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Preface Acknowledgements Introduction Emotional Neglect Questionnaire Part I: Running on Empty Chapter 1: Why Wasn't the Tank Filled? The Ordinary Healthy Parent in Action Chapter 2: Twelve Ways to End Up Empty Type 1: The Narcissistic Parent Type 2: The Authoritarian Parent Type 3: The Permissive Parent Type 4: The Bereaved Parent: Divorced or Widowed Type 5: The Addicted Parent Type 6: The Depressed Parent Type 7: The Workaholic Parent Type 8: The Parent with a Special Needs Family Member Type 9: The Achievement/Perfection Focused Parent Type 10:The Sociopathic Parent Type 11:Child as Parent Type 12:The Well-Meaning-but-Neglected-Themselves Parent Part II: Out of Fuel Chapter 3: The Neglected Child, All Grown Up 1. Feelings of Emptiness 2. Counter-Dependence 3. Unrealistic Self-Appraisal 4. No Compassion for Self, Plenty for Others 5. Guilt and Shame: What is Wrong With Me? 6. Self-Directed Anger, Self-Blame 7. The Fatal Flaw (If People Really Know Me They Won't Like Me) 8. Difficulty Nurturing Self and Others 9. Poor Self-Discipline 10. Alexithymia Chapter 4: Cognitive Secrets: The Special Problem of Suicidal Feelings Part III: Filling the Tank Chapter 5: How Change Happens Factors That Get in the Way of Successful Change Chapter 6: Why Feelings Matter and What to Do with Them 1. Understanding the Purpose and Value of Your Emotions 2. Identifying and Naming Your Feelings 3. Learning to Self-Monitor Your Feelings 4. Accepting and Trusting Your Own Feelings 5. Learning to Express Your Feelings Effectively 6. Recognizing, Understanding and Valuing Emotions in Relationships Chapter 7: Self-Care Self-Care Part 1. Learning to Nurture Yourself Self-Care Part 2. Improving Self-Discipline Self-Care Part 3. Self-Soothing Self-Care Part 4. Having Compassion for Yourself Chapter 8: Ending the Cycle: Giving Your Child What You Never Got 1. Your Parental Guilt 2. The Changes You Have Made So Far 3. Identify Your Own Specific Parenting Challenges Chapter 9: For the Therapist Research Identification of Emotional Neglect Treatment Summary for the Therapist Conclusion Resources for Recovery References