Welcom Comrades, my name is Ivan Turallies. This is my auction for customised TMZ Tula “Muravey” scooter trike, product of mother Russia during happy times of communist era. It is perfect for military parades in your country held by your leader Kommisar Tony Blair. On this for sure you will look, how you say, ‘the bees bollocks’ and pull many attractive sex partners.

Muravey (Муравей) is Russian word for ‘Ant’ because this little scooter able to carry more than its own weight. It has 200cc two-of-stroke engine based on German Ilo design that the KGB ‘obtained’ from the west during 1950s. German engine was good, but in Russia we make better by adding side-float carburettor with slide made from bit of bent brass plate. We also add low compression cylinder head to run on mix of Wodka and bear urine (my uncle’s favourite cocktail).

For custom Muravey even this performance is not enough, so we tune engine. Bigger 30mm capitalist copy of Keihin carburettor adds many revs, and modified Lambretta Fresco expansion chamber exhaust makes music like Mongolian throat singer. Standard Muravey makes 35mph – custom Muravey makes 50mph. At this sort of speed the scooter’s handling is very funny/scary.

Standard Muravey has flat-bed cargo bay. We use that as coop for chickens in 5^th floor flat of my cousin in Leytonstone, wonderful crime-free district of  London 2012 Olympics. Instead we fit two rear seats to Muravey allowing you to pick up, how you say, ‘slags’ from disco for good fun jolly times. These are classic racing bucket seats designed to save you from morning-after embarrassing times, because ladies who spend too much money at McDonalds will not fit their asses inside. Muravey engine is strong as ox but I am thinking your British ‘girls who love Greggs’ may prove too much for standard clutch. Standard carrying capacity is only 250kg. 

 In order to attract more slags, we customise Muravey in style of British chav, by fitting 40Watt CD Radio and silly large bass speakers in custom box made of wooden. Sound quality is really good until you turn up to maximum. Then distorts badly enough for Dubstep disco. Many times I have won good fun sound clash with the chavs in Vauxhall Corsa or black flower limo (in your country I think you call ‘hearse’). Rear of box also features ‘plasma plate’ which flashes blu sparks of lightning in time to music or engine noise, or even rhythmic moaning sound of slags if they are loud enough type. 

Scooter is custom paint without paint. We stick on camouflage fleece material with glue made from old horses. Effect is super cool but we not tried washing yet. Believe best method is to put Muravey on 40-degree delicates cycle and avoid to spin dry. 

• Custom Muravey is more reliable than Nigerian ebayer
• Custom Muravey is faster than any motorcycle or scooter (in reverse)
• Custom Muravey is better handling than most breeds of donkey
• Custom Muravey is more economical than cold war tractor
• Custom Muravey is better for environment than Soviet nuclear power plant
• Custom Muravey is road legal in UK thanks to home colour document printing
• Custom Muravey is attract sex partners, but not leather bum friends like a Harley
• Custom Muravey is safer than trying to pull wheelies on R1 when you have no talent
• Custom Muravey is perfect for wedding transport (if slag becomes with baby)
• Custom Muravey is ideal for advertising or promotion work (attracts not just slags)
• Custom Muravey is unique attraction, not like bolting chrome handrails and mirrors to Vespa like a disabled person bathroom.

 

Custom Muravey Features:

• Electric start and hand lever start
• 4 gears forward, 4 gears reverse (lever switches direction in differential)
• Lighting with 12 of Volts
• Speedometer for decoration only
• UK MoT (10-months) and tax (4-months)
• Indicators of turning
• Simple all mechanical, not so effective friction brakes with parking lock
• Rear lap (dancer) seat belts. No fat chicks!
• Stylish Reliant Rialto wheel trims
• 10-litre fuel tank in same wooden box with electrical equipment (like bomb!)
• New front tyre, drive chain, battery, ignition lock, flywheel side oil seal, carburettor, inlet rubber, SimonBBC electronic ignition conversion. No expense made.
• UK log book that says this is a Neval Cossack scooter trike registered 1981. I think it was actually produced in late 1970s John Travolta disco era and imported in small numbers by crazy guys from Humberside.

 

Auction Details:

 

Custom Muravey lives in Midlands near Coventry. Auction payment is cash in used notes only. Muravey can be collected in a van with a 3m load space or ridden home if you are adventurous type. Sold as seen, no warranty given. Serious bidders only (no laughing). A proportion of the sale of this scooter will go to charity (Stoke Mandeville Spinal Foundation). Slags are not included, you have to pull your own.

 

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On 01-Sep-11 at 12:42:40 BST, seller added the following information:

MURAVEY UPDATE

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On 04-Sep-11 at 01:22:23 BST, seller added the following information:

Muravey Update No.2