eBay

Bid for a part in Jasper's next book...

"...Mrs Tiffen could play the bazouki. Not well, and only one tune: a shaky rendition of Aegean Nights. She plucked the strings without emotion, staring blankly out of the train window at the snow-draped fields and trees while I read a back issue of Practical Overwintering. She and I had not exchanged a word since we first met forty-eight hours previously, and the reason was readily explained: Mrs Tiffen was dead, and had been for several years..."

So begins Early Riser, a thriller set in a world where humans have always hibernated through four months of a brutal Northern Winter, November to February. But this isn't Shortsleep, the stuff of which you and I are familiar, a time of restful semi-wakedness, of easy rousing, and dreams. This is the dark stuff. The first cousin of death itself - the thick tar of deep subconscious torpor, right at the bottom of the deep well of the ultra-low metabolic state, where the the body breathes three times a minute, the pulse is down to less than fifteen, and aside from the ever-active hypothalamus, nerve synapses fire in the brain only enough to prevent irreversible brain damage - the feared Hibernational Hypoxia.

Hello. Jasper Fforde here. I'm just putting the finishing touches to my latest novel, 'Early Riser', a thriller set in a world where humans have always hibernated, and the book centres around a Novice Winter Consul named John Worthing, who finds himself stranded in a lonely outpost known as Sector Twelve. The Winter is not a kind master, and before long he is embroiled in Nightwalkers, Villains, the mythical WinterVolk, sleepshy somniacs, other deputies each one more insane than the next, pharmaceutical companies and a viral dream. It'll be out in either later 2017, or early 2018.

So why is this on eBay? Well, I have a character who could do with a name and likeness, and I thought I would offer the part up for sale in order to raise some money for two causes: Firstly, the friends of my kid's primary school, which needs to make up the shortfall of the education authority's current 'leaning towards frugality'. Second, our local branch of the Sanctuary for Refugees, whose work can be found at http://hbtsr.org.uk/.

So what do you get for your cash? The character is a personal assistant to Dr Hektor, the head of HiberTec, a pharmaceutical company that markets Morphenox, a key plot line in the book. You're not a bad person, just doing their job - and very much a corporate person. You have one appearance.

If you're happy to be described, I can do that, and you do get to speak. First name is guaranteed, and I can try and get your second in but can't promise it. You'll also get a hardback first edition which will be suitably inscribed, sent to you wherever you live.

Over 18s, please, and bidders are bidding for themselves, not others 'as a surprise'. You will have to sign an understanding that I can use your name and likeness, from now until the sun goes out, and may be required to furnish some proof of identity.

Any silliness (and I decide how silliness is defined) such as offensive names, corporate names, holorimic rude names, etc, etc, will just mean a refund and we'll call the whole thing off.

And I specifically reserve the right to do just that. Call the whole thing off. Like that. Truly.

99p start, Paypal only, any readers from anywhere can join in - US readers will get the US edition signed.

Happy bidding. Right, back to the book.

Jasper Fforde, January 2017