Please Don't Drink the Holy Water!

by Susie Lloyd

"If heaven''s a banquet, will I have to do dishes?"

That''s all Catholic mom Susie Lloyd wants to know. Marriage and motherhood have taught her the rest, including the things that are most important in life: "Metaphysical realities like the existence of God can get along without my help. Cleaning the bathroom can't."

Homeschooling her kids has left Susie wise beyond her years: she's learned why pi is square instead of round, and searched out the best places to buy a cow's eyeball for the science fair. "In fact," she says, "Socrates had it easy. His students never interrupted him to go to the bathroom or ask when lunch was."

Susie's husband is always there to support her: "Greg tells me education would have no purpose if kids didn't start out ignorant. He seems to think that will keep me from strangling them."

Yet she's always patient, even when strangers gawk at her and her five daughters and ask: "Are they all yours?," "Are you done yet?," "Don't you have a TV?"