Atkinson For England

by Mark Brown, Gary James

With only 10 days to go before England's crucial World Cup Qualifier against Germany, national manager Glenn Gould resigns, blaming Brendon Fendon, the FA's Machiavellian chief executive, of taking an unhealthy interest in team affairs. A shortlist of temporary replacement managers is drawn up -- the instant favourite is Ron Atkinson. Brendan Fendon leaves for Brazil to attend a career-enhancing FIFA conference on the elasticity of corner flags. Meanwhile, Nottingham plumber and Sunday League manager Reg Atkinson is concerned that his tender for the undersoil heating contract at the new Wembley stadium will be lost in the latest crisis to hit the England team. But he is soon reassured by a call from the FA asking him to an interview. Reg quickly hones his knowledge of the Swedish undersoil heating system and heads for London. After a swift selection process, Brendan Fendon's stand-in Sir Richard Scratcher appoints Atkinson and calls a press conference to announce the new England boss. But, as the mass media soon discover, the man taking the stage isn't Ron but Reg who has signed a multi-million pound contract to take charge of the national team.The press have a field day, but Brendan Fendon is none the wiser as his delayed flight from Rio lands at Heathrow. When the truth dawns he realises the only way out is to force Reg to resign by preventing all England's stars from playing against Germany. What does Reg do now? If he resigns he'll lose his money, but if he continues, England will be forced to forfeit the match and Germany will surely qualify. The press are camped outside Reg's humble semi in Nottingham, he's suffered a mysterious break-in and his plumbing business and the future of English football look like going down the pan...