—Did you miss out on Bitcoin?

—Do you know about keys?! (Like real actual, metal keys)

—Do you live your life ravaged with paralysing regret, unable to obtain even a hint of joy from something like a fresh Spring morning due to all the consecutive wrong turns you’ve made throughout your life? 

—Can you put a price on O P P O R T U N I T Y? 

If you answered: “Yes!” “Yes!” “Yes!” and “About £30!” to the above questions, then I can confirm that this is the eBay listing for YOU!

I am the proud owner of ONE GENUINE MSCHF Key Box Key 01 and am willing to send you a copy freshly cut Straight Outta’ Timpsons quicker than you can say ‘art is dead’. Keys are mailed without original packaging due to speed and my own laziness, but they are genuine copies.

But act fast! I’m only selling 69 of these puppies, or until I get bored of interacting with the exhausted woman at the Post Office (whichever comes first).

What is a MSCHF Key Box Key 01 though?

Good question. It’s the latest ‘art piece’ (drop #102) from the TikTok generation’s answer to a less-nutritious Campbell Soup, and post-capitalism’s leading purveyors of nightmare meme-tat too irony-pilled to make sense to any of our mothers, MSCHF.

Does the key open anything? 

Yes, no, maybe and don’t know. Apparently all will be revealed (according to keyboxkey.com) so it could be a doorway to unlimited riches, it could unlock the secrets of your very own mind, or it could just be a useless clump of common metal only providing an anecdote guaranteed to baffle and concern loved ones.

Is this all poor taste given the simultaneous omni-crises and society’s unassailable path towards climate change armageddon?

Of course it is! But there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism, so you might as well buy a weird internet key as a kind of joke before the sun explodes.

Shipping Internationally from the World's Money Laundering Capital: the United Kingdom

In the spirit of Damien Hirst: NO REFUNDS.

You get what you get, and don’t get upset.