Attention: Brandon! 

Dozens of feet long, frightful, hideous, and likely to annoy select neighbors!  Comes with guarantee of parasitic infection.  Absolutely incurable.  

A used stamp of insufficient centage will be nailed to the tape, and sent out by an elderly carrier pigeon, who, more often than not, prefers to make frequent landings en route, and gab with other pigeons, unlikely to ever arrive anywhere near it's destination.  

Fine print...blah blah blah...legal provisos...blah blah blah...settling of contents may occur during shipment...blah blah blah...enjoyment of tape is strictly prohibited along the entire eastern seaboard...blah blah blah...