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One-Wheeled Motorcycles!

Staffer Gets Into Fight

Penn State Helmet Protest

Make Your Own Tools

Breathtakin' Women

Mind-Bogglin' Fiction

Fantastic Harleys

What Else

Could You

Want?

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rs

Entertainment for Adult Bikers

Spider with off-the-wall news items

Readers respond to other readers

Miscellaneous ramblin's from other rags

Refinin' a Sporty with the use of herb

Catch that drip with this tip

12

17

18

20

Wino Joe gets himself into a dukin' matc

Wanna know everything 'bout unicycles?

Just a normal rotten day behind bars

Animal with a sneak attack on Spider (who)? 2

2

That damn phone never stops

Beaver eater returns to Beaver's delight

Luscious Lisa lusts for action

Busted my ass an' it still didn't work

Don't let this bro die for nothin'

Rules for this year's Sturgis run - Easynews

Here's a mind-fuckin' headache for ya

Sick Witty Willie's fun house, weirdhouse?

Ball-bustin' Virgos get profiled by Dusty

Dead bro is always at home

Havin' a helluva time in the wind

It was funny at the time

Packrat tech on makin' tools that do the job

Not a shaggy dog story this time

3

Homebaked shovel outta Egg Harbor

A marketplace for buying and selling

Tasty morsels to choose from

Gibson

5

6

11

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5

ine name iss Fritz

M Kokendorfer und I

vant to eggsplane all

about ze ein-veel or uni-

cycle, dot a relatif off

mine invented, beck in vourteen vifty-nine, vor ze

Emperor off Bavaria, vrom ver ve come.

Now in zose days, zey didn't haff no automobiles

yet, so ze Emperor hat to do his trafeling by royal

coach or on der horse's beck. Horsebeck gafe him a

sore beckzide, so dot vas out. Ze Emperor vas alzo a

little vain. He vanted somesing different vrom a

royal coach. Efter all, every emperor hat a royal

coach, so it vas no big deal.

Mine grate, grate, grate, grate grendfadder - zo

many grates I can't remember zem all, zo I'll chust

call him Fritz vun vas called before ze Emperor

because he vas ze most famous clockmaker in all

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Bavaria, unt somevun hat tolt ze Emperor dot

only vay to make a carriage go vitout horses vas

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e

-!

In Vigure 6 iss shown a uni mate by an Italian in

1933. It vos supposed to do 100 miles an hour on

chust vun-und-three-quarters horsepover. Zis

engine vas designed to run on gasoil, ninety per-

cent gasoline und ten percent olife oil. In a pinch it

could run on pure olife oil or effen ze sqveezings

from pepperoni sausages! Now, vee bote no dot

Rudolph Diesel vasn't Italian, don't vee! Effen he

didn't claim his engine could do dot!

Ze Italian engine vas shoeposed to half been

designed by Mussolini, but I doubt dot, too. He

might half been a bik veel in politics, for a vile, but

in automobile und engine design, he vas a sqvare.

Efter all, during zis period, ze Macchi-Castoldi zea-

planes zet vorlt schpeed records, und Mussolini

didn't claim to haff designed ze engines of zees

planes. Vee all know it vas Issata-Fraschini dot

designed und bilt zees engines.

OK, so Mussolini vas a bik bluffer und talker, bot

vot politician isn't? Politicians are much too bussy

infenting lies or schemes to milk ze public, to

bodder vit inventing engines. Besides, zey don't pay

as vell. I might alzo att on ze ent here, dot effen if ze

politicians don't know much about designing

engines, zey do sound like zey are full off gaz!

In 1935, zum vizeacre thought up ze opchekt

seen in Vigure 7. I hesitate to call it a unicycle

becos, as you can plainly see, it has two veels. It vas

called a Gyrauto. Ze magazine report didn't say vere

it came from. I can vell underschtand dot. Efter all,

vot true uniphile vod admit to making a double-veel

single-veel?

Anodder article in zis opchekt suggjested it could

be construed as a unicycle vit a schpare veel. Nein!

Nein! Ach du lieber! Next zing you know, somevun

vill say it's chust a single-veel, only schpread out,

like all zose racers haff on zeyr beck veels!

I esk you, how can you make a single-veel vit

more den vun veel? Vun times vun iss schtill one,

und vun times two iss two! You can't monkey

arount vit ze laws of mathematics, or sqveeze two

qvarts into a vun-qvart gas can!

Und hov vud zey schteer zis opchekt? Dot

schteering veel is a fakeeroo! Come to zink off it,

maybe ze whole picture is a fake! Somevun making

fun of uni-veels. Notice ze lady drifer. Dot calls to

mint anodder advantage off unis. No beckseat drifers!

Now, in Vigure 8, vee got anodder oddball uni

again vit two veels only one so schmall it can

hardly be called a veel! Zis appeared in 1940 in

New York. Ze newspaper article called it a rubber-

tired hoop.

Continued on page 90

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