BMW R80 G/S

Riding to the beat of a different Beemer.

BY TED WEST

The man who buys a BMW R80 G/S

because it’s “exactly the bike for his

needs” is one of three things. He’s a case-

hardened all-terrain cross-continent map-

buster, or he’s a canny dual-'purpose rider

... or he’s an unmitigated fool.

Consider for a moment what the R80

G/S body language says. It’s some kind of

dirt bike—one look at the shoulder-height

front fork makes that clear. Same with the

21-inch front wheel, the MX-style plastic

front fender, the belly-mounted bash

plate, the shark-tooth pegs, the Metzeler

trials-universal tires. All still clear.

But look closer and things start getting

wonky. First, there’s a great hulking 800cc

boxer engine suspended inside—and out-

side—the engine bay. And on the front

axle is a 10.2-inch disc brake, hydraulic, no

less. Stand next to this BMW “dirt bike”

and things get even stranger. Seen in pic-

tures, the G/S could be any size at all—

maybe they just stood a midget next to it

for photography—but in real life there are

no excuses left. The G/S isn’t merely tall,

it’s thick, lumpy, massive. Struggle its

hefty 405 pounds forward off the center-

stand and you know beyond all doubt. If

this was meant to be a serious dirt bike,

Mighty Joe Young was meant to ride it.

But this is a Beemer, after all. Perhaps

beneath its gawky mock-dirt appearance

lies yet another superb road machine.

A press of the starter button leads to a

ride around the block, during which the G/

S feels pretty good. After all, it might be

lard-butt heavy for dirt, but by any and all

modern street standards, this is one lean

machine. And the sheer wheel travel af-

forded by the dirt-style suspension soaks

up bad pavement and potholes like God’s

Own Household Sponge. Combine this

with the G/S’s pleasingly quick steering—-

thanks, again, to its quasi-dirt specs—and

you have a marvelous around-town er-

rand-hopper.

Surely, though, BMW hasn’t produced a

$4800 dual-purpose bike solely to get you

from the North Side to the South Side via

the shortcut dirt path through the City

Dump. No indeed. In fact, despite first ap-

pearances, confusing, impractical and lim-

ited as they seem, the R80 G/S is one of the

most ruthlessly practical and un-limited

motorcycles we’ve ever run across. To un-

derstand why, though, we have to start at

the beginning.

It’s easy for American riders to forget

what the Real World is made of. We’ve

come to believe that all motorcycling falls

into two distinct categories—flawless

pavement and lawless dirt. Oh sure, there

are still some riders who believe dual-pur-

pose bikes aren’t a complete waste of

Green Stamps. In normal American dirt

vs. street riding, however, dual-purpose

bikes too often prove to be unsatisfactory-

compromises on both surfaces.

But don’t be too smug, purist. There are

roads in the world where dual-purpose

riders have it nailed. Roads where your

dirt bike isn’t allowed and two minutes on

your street bike is like living in poison oak

underwear. Roads thousands of miles long

where you encounter every imaginable sur-

face, from smooth pavement, to frost-

heaves, to ankle-deep dust, hip-deep pot-

holes, pea gravel, walnut gravel, baseball

gravel, mud, slime, slurry the consistency

of hot peanut butter ...

Not to beat around the bush, we rode

the R80 G/S over the archetypal dual-pur-

pose testing ground—from Los Angeles up

the Alaska Highway (above described) to

Anchorage and back. After 6000 miles, the

point was indisputable—for all-terrain

touring no bike anywhere in the world

compares with the R80 G/S. Period.

In fact, if there’s a difficulty about the

G/S, it isn’t with the bike itself, but with

the sheer unconventionality of its mission.

To begin, even by dual-purpose standards,

the G/S breaks the mold. Unlike all but

one other d-p bike (the Moto-Morini

Camel), this Beemer is descended from

street stock. A short blast up a twisty

paved canyon—not to mention an tzn-

paved one—will make the point. No mat-

ter how loudly its appearance clammers to

the contrary, the G/S is more or less tradi-

tional Beemer fun on tarmac. Its hearty

800cc twin throbs with robust low- and

midrange torque, and those

odd Metzeler trials-universal

tires hang on like an ugly

sister at the beach.

The tires, incidentally, are

worthy of special mention.

Metzeler spent an entire year

developing them specifically

to provide this motorcycle

with dual-purpose rubber

speed-rated at over 100 mph,

since existing trials-universal

tires were all non-rated. And

hustling these little pentago-

nal knobbies over the tarmac

at speed demonstrates that

the year wasn’t wasted.

The G/S’s front disc in-

stantly justifies itself on pave-

ment, of course. It won’t pull

the dental work out of your

head at full-stop—but then, if

it did, it would be outright

hazardous on the dirt. Com-

promises of this sort are es-

sential on dual-purpose bikes,

but for the G/S’s projected

uses, the disc is ideal. On a

motocross course a drum

brake might be well and good,

but in conditions encountered

on the Alaska Highway there would’ve

been whole weeks when a drum brake was

just sodden, ineffectual dead weight. The

disc, on the other hand, in all conditions,

was always there.

Another example of the inevitable dual-

purpose compromise is the G/S’s riding

position. Clearly, without fitting dual sets

of foot controls, there is no way to keep a

rider comfortably leaned down on the

Interstate, then securely upright horsing

the G/S through the dirt. And equally

clearly, there is no way to horse this bike

through mud and slime lying down. Inev-

itably, therefore, the G/S was given the up-

right dirt-riding position. Rightly so.

However, hustling up the aforesaid

twisty canyon road you’ll feel distressingly

flat-footed and up-in-the-wind on the G/S,

somewhat in the mold of the legendary

Cushman scooter. And blasting down the

Interstate at 75 hour after hour, you’ll take

the worst battering since Leon Spinks met

Spiderman. Consequently, the passenger

pegs do frequent duty as freeway pegs.

The minute you take the G/S onto dirt,

though, you begin to understand the es-

sence of compromise. Not to put too fine a

point on it, the G/S is only marginally com-

petent in rough stuff. Dependable, yes.

Sure-footed, yes. But awesomely caution-

inspiring as well. Bite from the Metzelers

in dirt can best be described as “oresent.”

And in muck or deep dust the tire’s narrow

profile, combined with the G/S’s massive

weight, digs to the bottom of things in a

hurry. In this kind of riding, sitting well

back on the G/S’s saddle is critically

important. Oh, yes—and riding so very

gently.

But don’t misunderstand: This bike will

whip any street bike in the muck, and it’ll

take you just about any place you’d sanely

want to go, pavement or dirt. In fact, that’s

the point. The R80 is neither berm-buster

nor cafe-racer, it's far simpler than that—

perhaps far simpler than we over-spe-

cialized modern riders are prepared to ac-

cept. The R80 G/S is one thing alone, a

Get-There Bike. It’ll go nearly anywhere in

relative safety and comfort, and the

tougher and more varied the route, the

more the G/S likes it

Accordingly, BMW has worked hard to

keep things simple on this bike. The heart

of the G/S, of course, is the bog-standard...