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More humour:     a little more is described below

PARAGRAPH 1

There was once a woman, of indeterminate age, called Elsie, although we shall refer to her as the #MadCatWoman.

Her neighbours, who thought she must be slightly mad, referred to her as Elsie 25 Cats, since together with her questionable age, there were also a variable, unaccountable number of cats.

Whenever asked she would always say, “about 25, at the last count!”

     LEADING TIGGER ON LEAD

PARAGRAPH 2

The #MadCatWoman devoted her life and resources to her cats, and they, in return, would do anything for her. Whenever friends came to call, they often mistook sleeping cats for cushions, and some of the naughtier cats would sneak whoopee cushions under someone just as they were about to sit down.

     WHOOPEE CUSHION CAT. MCW WITH STRIPED COAT

PARAGRAPH 3

The #MadCatWoman believed that fresh air and exercise were good for felines as well as humans and arranged a cat rota, based upon who she thought should come out to the shops and parks with her. Actually the cats compliance with this rota, in reality, was that those not paying attention, or who were fast asleep, were the ones to be grabbed.

     CATS HANGING ON TO SHOPPING TROLLEY

PARAGRAPH 4

Whenever the MadCatWoman needed to travel further afield, she would encourage volunteers to take comfortable advantage of the copious pannier bags that had compartments for purchases along with lower parts lined with cushions. This proved most attractive particularly since she cleaned out any fur debris at regular intervals.

     CATS IN PANNIERS

PARAGRAPH 5

There were some most convivial coffee houses and little bars she knew that welcomed pets, usually dogs (on leads and well-behaved, obviously) and certain cats who were quite happy in a “Cat Cafe” environment, and, on their harnesses, were happy to settle on the cushions provided. These cats tended to be the street-wise fellows who, as strays, had learned the hard way, to survive the harsh predicaments of life, and generally to go with the flow.

     WINE WALLOP SHOPPING BAGS

PARAGRAPH 6

When her own cats could not be cajoled to accompany her, she had devised methods, often employing tasty fish hanging from poles, to encourage any new strays to check into her cat hotel.

She hoped that itinerant Polecats would not attempt to join in, on the grounds that Mustelids and Felidae do not easily tolerate each other.

     CATS AFTER FISH ON LINE

Several acrobatic cats learnt how to hang on to the pole and practised parallel bars procedures.

     TWO CATS HANGING ON POLE

PARAGRAPH 7

She loved to wear chequered coat patterns, along the harlequin style, and if a cat could be encouraged to wear something similar, then so much the better.

     BLACK AND WHITE HARLEQUIN CAT

PARAGRAPH 8

The #MadCatWoman had lots of ginger cats.

And if their friends, especially harlequin patterned ones, could be encouraged to join the troupe, she would play an attractive tune upon her clarinet (she was an accomplished player) and lead them round the neighbourhood.

See if you can recognise the tune being played in this picture:

    CLARINET PLAYING LEADING EIGHT CATS

Some of the cats even became fluent with a few musical phrases of their own and played them upon cat-sized instruments.

     HARLEQUIN SUITS, FOUR CLARINETS

PARAGRAPH 9

Whenever the MadCatWoman ventured into areas unknown, all cats were kept on tight leads and she would carry a suitable flag warning newcomers of their approach.

     FLAG, TWO CATS, PURPLE AND RED

     FLAG, THREE CATS, BLUE, ORANGE AND GREEN

PARAGRAPH 10

She had a dear German friend, who, I am afraid, would employ her own cats to help push start her ancient Heinkel bubble car which often proved difficult to drive, and was in need of a complete rebuild.

     YELLOW BUBBLE CAR

     BLUE BUBBLE CAR 

PARAGRAPH 11

When friends called at her house, if they were well known to the felines, the cat currently in charge of the Whoopee Cushion would try to sneak it onto the chair offered.

     BLUE COAT, RED CHAIR

PARAGRAPH 12

I am afraid that, encouraged by some of her more adventurous friends, our MadCatWoman occasionally would dress up and join them in re-enactments of Shakespeare’s plays, Macbeth being one of their favourites. This meant that some of the more thespian cats could join in.

     3 X THREE WITCHES DRAWINGS

Another local friend was the MadDuckWoman who was often seen in the local parks, supplying the not-so-hungry Canards with copious quantities of suitable duck food.

     2 pictures, Fog Lane pond and Tarn Hows 

The #MadCatWoman had lots of black and white cats.

     Need picture of lots

The #MadCatWoman had lots of ginger cats with black and white patches.

     Need picture

And lots of black and white cats with ginger patches.

     Need picture 

There were also a number of gorgeous tabby cats with Siamese and Oriental patches.

     Need picture 

In her earlier days, the #MadCatWoman had been involved in the fashion world and had most colourful ideas of what she and the cats should wear.

     Need picture

Scarves in the wash sequence and picture 

To finish -

     Image of MCW finding Pooks in the CrowBar