Looks like an ordinary greeting card, right? Innocent and sweet right? WRONG! 

This card is no ordinary greeting card.

Once opened, the card will begin to emit the soft sounds of love-making. They’ll start low and then get louder and louder. The card will just moan and moan, louder and louder (for up to 3 hours!) unless you literally destroy the card! And then the fun is all over. Right?

WRONG AGAIN! Because when your hapless victim frantically attempts to rip the card to pieces in a flurry of red-faced embarrassment, they’ll be SHOWERED IN A CLOUD OF ANNOYING HARD-TO-GET-RID-OF GLITTER. AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Aaaaaand then they’ll probably murder you. But I think we can all agree, it’ll be totally worth it.

FEATURES

• Loops very loud love-making noises – non-stop!
• Safe mode allows you to test and sign before activating
• Card is filled with glitter, so destroying it is part of the fun! (for you)

SPECIFICATIONS

• Minimum one-hour battery life
• Please ship carefully in a padded box or similar

PLEASE NOTE:

For maximum effect, please ensure the recipient only opens this card either:

• in front of conservative family members;
• around someone they have a crush on;
• at a funeral;
• at a work function (making sure the boss is present); or
• on a long haul flight.